HerTwenties.com| A blog because your twenties matter

I’ve been talking about dreams and goals quite a bit lately, but can you blame me that’s all us twenty year olds talk about. A while back I sent this article to my best friend in an attempt to remind myself to try an exercise mentioned I thought might be revealing.

Our minds have a way of introducing these limiting and negative beliefs whenever we think about something positive. Sometimes you don’t even have a clue you’re doing it. I think the best example I can use is love. This one- I am definitely guilty of.

For a long time I would dream about my perfect man. He was thoughtful, generous, kind, full of unconditional love. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to find him. I would end up in these bizarre situations (I can’t even lie and call them relationships) that weren’t anything close to what I wanted for myself. I accepted the kind of treatment from guys that I would probably yell at my friends for accepting.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized I wasn’t getting the love and treatment I wanted because something in me was scared to death of it and another part of me felt like I didn’t deserve it. Even writing this now gets the water works flowing. For so long I would pray, hope, dream-you name it for someone special. I got my Instagram photos just right. I never skipped a beat when I went out- always tried to look my best. I even went on countless dates. In all those years it never occurred to me that I was missing something so simple.

Late last week I had some alone time and I thought it might be a good time to try this exercise that would show me how I’ve been subconsciously blocking my dreams from becoming a reality. It is really simple and extraordinarily insightful as long as you are completely honest with yourself. Some of the fears are a lot easier to write than others. I think three minutes into the exercise my first tear fell. When I did finish facing my fears I have never felt more liberated and free. It was the kind of honesty I needed with myself to go out and do something great.

You start by listing something you want and saying “If I get ____ I’m afraid that…”. All you do is complete the sentence. The secret to this is to be really honest with yourself, and I mean the kind of honest that is a little scary. Having it in writing can show you how real or irrational your fears might be. And though I don’t believe writing them down makes them disappear, it gets you one step closer to the happiness you deserve.

Here’s an example of what I wrote:

If I receive unconditional love I’m afraid that….

  • I will inevitably do something to mess it up
  • He will eventually fall out of love with me
  • I will eventually end up alone
  • I won’t live up to his expectations
  • I won’t be able to give him the love he deserves back

If I make it to full financial freedom I’m afraid that…

  • I will misspend the money and end up broke
  • I will get fired and end up right where I started
  • I will do something to ruin everything
  • People will treat me differently
  • I won’t be relatable


creativity is Intelligence having fun

Although it’s insanely scary, there’s something so exhilarating and freeing about facing your fears head on, or even seeing them on paper. The exercise made me realize how irrational some of my fears are, and get a little closer to the deeper meaning of others.

Today, or even tomorrow, if you have a bit of alone time and you are feeling open to it, you owe it to yourself to give it a try.