You're kind of screwing up this whole life thing:

You’re kind of screwing up this whole life thing. 

Everything started out great, didn’t it? 

You did everything you were supposed to. 

✓ Good grades in school. 

✓ Prestigious college degree in the field everyone said you would be good at. 

✓ You got a high-paying job in your desired field. 

You show up to work every day, do what you are told, work hard, people tell you that you are good at the job, and yet… you have the sinking feeling that you aren’t doing the right thing. 

This was supposed to be it. This was supposed to be the dream life. 

Yet, every day, you come to work and feel like you are living in a nightmare. 

Why? 

Well, let’s take it back for a second. 

Good grades in school → you were a disciplined child who listened to all the rules. 

Prestigious college degree in the field everyone said you would be good at → meaning everyone in your small town who has a limited world view. 

You got a high-paying job in your desired field → you spent a lot of money to get a job that takes most of your time and emotional energy.

Then, thanks to social media, you get to see what everyone else is doing. You get to see the people who aren’t living in their parent's basement but are living in an NYC apartment, looking like they are having the time of their lives. 

You get to see the promotions, degrees, purchases, and achievements of everyone around your age. 

You start to compare yourself. 

You start to remember how you thought you would have a house, a significant other, tens of thousands in savings, or any other random goal you set for yourself when you were younger. 

Oh, and you have none of those. 

Great, now what do you do? 

You hate your job, your life is a mess, you have accomplished nothing you wanted to, you don’t have a lot of friends, you have no savings, you only have skills in the job area that you hate, and you probably wake up every day not feeling so great about all of this. 

Woah, that’s heavy. 

First of all, take a breath. 

Let’s think this out. 

Who are you? 

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself this fundamental question? 

Well, of course not! When would you have had time, between the race to the finish line of college, getting a job, succeeding at that job, and all the scrolling you do on your days off because you feel so burnt out? 

So, maybe you start to look for advice from others. 

And they might say… 

• Just keep going until you find what you love (as long as it’s within the norms of society’s standards) 

• You’ll figure it out; you have plenty of time! Keep going at this job; it’s a great way to make money! (Until it's twenty years later, and you only have one set of skills in a career you don’t love.)

• You spent so much time working on that college degree – Just keep going. It’ll get better! (Until years later, you hate the life you created because it had nothing to do with who you really are.)

You won’t figure out who you are just by going to a job you hate. Especially if this job requires a lot of emotional energy. Trust me, I know the feeling of spending all your energy at work and then crashing on your days off. 

Okay. So now what do you do? (because clearly, others don’t have great advice)

As any good Gen Zer would, you go to the internet for advice. 

You probably get an algorithm full of self-help gurus, and their advice probably feels great to hear. You might act on some of it, but it's usually pretty short-lived. 

You get stuck in a perpetual cycle of hating your life, getting decent advice, following it for a few weeks, giving up, andddd back to hating life again. 

So, this is why ask… 

Who are you? 

Well, you are probably a miserable person because you don’t know who you are. 

Your soul knows who you are, but your conscious mind has absolutely no idea who you are. 

Well, maybe the conscious mind has a glimpse of who you are. At some point, you have felt it. You were painting in an art class and were totally lost in the experience; you were explaining something to someone and were so passionate about the topic you didn’t even have to think about what you were saying. 

You know the feeling. The feeling of being in alignment with your soul. 

Now, how do we start to learn more about our soul? 

Simple. Self-reflection. 

The more you self-reflect, the more you understand your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. 

As you understand your thoughts, feelings, and emotions, you will start making more conscious decisions. 

The more you start to make more conscious decisions, you will start to take actions that are more aligned with your soul. 

The more you take these aligned actions, the more you start to change your life. 

Your conscious mind starts to become aligned with your soul. Through this, life begins to feel a little less miserable. 

The key to understanding your thoughts, feelings, and emotions is self-reflection. 

In a society where most people spend their entire lives doing what they are told without question, you will gain the superpower of self-knowledge. It will not be easy; you will have to go against the grain and sometimes feel like you are on the more difficult path. 

But remember, there is nothing more valuable than your own wisdom. 

Here are 7 easy things you can start doing this week to self-reflect and begin your journey towards authentic self-expression. 

1. Journaling 

• Just record your daily experiences, morning or night, whatever is easier. 

• Write down what happened in a day and how it made you feel. 

• Eventually, you can start reading over these passages and start to understand why the good days are good and why the bad days are bad. You will have a record of the things you like and dislike.

2. Pay attention to strong emotional reactions

• After a strong emotion, ask yourself why you felt that way. Where does that emotion stem from? 

• “When a problem is disturbing you, don't ask, "What should I do about it?" Ask, "What part of me is being disturbed by this?”- Michael Singer 

• Simply be an observer of your own mind. You can write these down in your journal.

3. Therapy

• Seriously, the game-changer of my life. 

• Once you find the right therapist, the results will start to speak for themselves. 

• Your therapy time is your time to explore yourself deeper and truly reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and actions.

4. Yoga

• You don’t have to go to a yoga studio, but it certainly helps. 

• Just moving your body and spending time away from screens helps us to process emotions. 

• Savasana — the time when you just lay down at the end of yoga. This is an awesome way for me to observe my thoughts. 

• If you don’t like meditation, I feel like yoga is a great alternative.

5. Walking (or any other form of exercise)

• Dr. Huberman said, "Intense exercise is like a bubble bath for your mind”. 

• Walking and running is a special time when you don’t really have to think too much about what you are doing, and you just get to hear the thoughts going on in your head.

6. Reading

• We are so used to consuming video content that we often ignore reading. 

• When reading something, it is almost as if your thoughts are fusing with the information your brain is processing. 

• You really get to think while you read, and I often find that my best ideas come to me when I am reading. 

• Also, you get to understand other perspectives while reading. You get to expand the possibilities of life.

7. Spend time doing anything other than scrolling on social media.

• Please set limits for yourself. 

• Scrolling is such an overload of information that we don’t even retain. 

• Use this time instead to self-reflect.

Use these various forms of self-reflection to align your conscious mind to your soul.

Take this time in your twenties to actually understand who you are. Do not spend this time doing things that don’t align with your authentic self. 

Self-reflect → notice what your values are → change your actions to move towards a life that is more aligned with your soul → live a life in alignment with the truest form of yourself. 

This is how you get unstuck. 

P.S. Do you wake up every day with existential dread? I used to. I read quotes daily that help me set the tone for the day!  If you want to receive little snippets of wisdom and inspiration, click the link below to sign up for Her Twenties Daily Inspiration!