Whenever I sit down to write a blog about something to do with my personal life I always get this stomach-tightening feeling of anxiety. I have a mini panic moment and think “Oh God, my friends and family are going to see this”. Then I remember why I started HerTwenties, the intention of HerTwenties was not just for me to share my favorite beauty products or my latest green smoothie recipe. I created it to have a place to share my very real, and sometimes personal experiences of things that are happening during my twenties.
Now I know I’ve been absent for a while, some of you may have noticed the instagram account has been strangely void of anything new. I promise, I have a very real and valid excuse.
I got my heart completely broken. I debated on whether or not I should write about this for the last few days – partly because I haven’t even come close to getting over it. Even through days of mental clarity I still wind up thinking about my past relationship, break up, how I could’ve prevented it and further and further down that rabbit hole of pointless, negative thinking.
Relationships in your twenties have this kind of extra-special feeling of importance. Partly because you’re an adult now and also, if you choose, any relationship you take seriously could ultimately be your forever relationship. After reading the defining decade, I decided I would be really intentional about any romantic relationships I had.
Immediately after getting dumped I had this unshakable feeling of “what the hell am I going to do now,” and “how am I going to go on without him?” I’m feeling this flush of embarrassment even writing those words, but this is the embarrassingly raw truth. During my relationship I developed this fantasy that this could be the person I spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t a completely a one-sided fantasy – I was actually extremely happy with him throughout the entire relationship. Now fortunately or unfortunately that fantasy didn’t come to fruition and I am completely crushed. I’ve had failed relationships in the past but this one hurt way more than the others. I was crushed in a way I have never felt ever before.
Because I made the choice to be intentional about this relationship I gave it a lot of weight. It was extremely important to me and I gave it everything I had. I would never wish this pain on my worst enemy. But if you are currently going through a breakup, or just had one know this – the universe is preparing you for something bigger.
My sweet family and friends filled my inbox full of kind words of loving support and the “where can we find him and beat him up” messages. But none of those words resonated with me as much as the ones I just mentioned. When you are going through pain it is because the universe is preparing you for something greater. When you are knee deep in pain it can be so hard to see the bigger picture, and that’s okay. That “everything happens for a reason” saying is, ultimately, always true.
I made the decision that this breakup didn’t happen to me, it happened for me. Right now I can’t tell you the reasoning. I don’t know what the universe is preparing me for, or what it might be making space in my life for. But I know, at least for now, the person I committed to was not meant to be my forever. And that’s okay.
I think the three most important things in surviving a breakup are:
- Going through the cycles of grief- right now you are experiencing a loss, similar to death. You have to travel through the feelings of denial, pain, anger and acceptance to really move on. Remember that it is okay to feel pain, to cry and be angry – suppressing these emotions won’t ever let you truly move on.
- Surrounding yourself with love – there’s nothing like a tragic experience to remind you of just how many people love you. I consider myself a very independent girl and I hate asking for help. Luckily you won’t have to, the people you love will come running. Let them love on you and help you through this. (to my tribe – I love you all more than words!)
- Remember that this little bump in the road is a part of a bigger picture – the universe is just creating space in your life for something greater than you could ever imagine.
I love you all, always.